lioness–hart:

pyrrhiccomedy:

based on extensive observation, I believe that my cats have only a tenuous grasp on how much of my body is “me”

It’s like, Head: definitely Big Friend, note eyes and noise-hole.

Hands: 90% certainty of Big Friend, 10% possibility of toy. comprised of two main parts, the rubby-rubby and the wriggly-scritchers. does Big Friend control them with her mind? the mechanism is unclear.

Arms, aka “Cuddle Snakes”: do these help Big Friend’s hands from getting lost? good place to sit.

Torso: ??? we have no idea what this is. smells like Big Friend but serves no observable purpose. treat as terrain.

Legs, see: “The Lap Conundrum”: 25% chance of Big Friend, totally uninteresting. WHEN LAP: 90% chance of Big Friend, excellently warm. where does the lap go? our finest cat scientists seek the answer to this mystery, but no breakthroughs as of yet.

Feet, aka “Twitchy-Kickers”: 10% chance of Big Friend, 90% chance of foe. all attempts to communicate have ended in hostility. Destroy on sight.

This is so accurate it’s physically painful.